Tracy Gaddin

Tracy was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder very soon after our family migrated from South Africa, in 1993. Mental illness was a complete unknown, and little did we know what a long, frightening journey lay ahead. The years following were a nightmare as Tracy’s illness deteriorated and she became Schizophrenic.

On 15 November 2005 Tracy took her life at The Gap. The loneliness and isolation, inability to find work, just became too much for her. I don’t believe she wanted to die, but she could not cope with living.

As a young girl, Tracy was always shy, sweet-nature, kind, gentle and loving. She was very bright at school and excelled at sport; tennis, swimming and hockey were her passions. She won Victrix Ludorum, and together with all her cups and medals, she remained humble.

During the years of her illness, she found great comfort in writing poetry and prose, and I am so grateful to have this, because it has enabled me to really try and understand the torment she faced each and every day.

Tracy has left an unfillable gap for all who knew her. As her broken-heart mother, she has left a legacy for me, and that is to continue to do all I can to lessen stigma, create awareness of what mental illness is, and most importantly challenge Government to do more for those who have a mental illness. The upgrade of The Gap, where she took her life, is my biggest challenge. Due to lack of funding, I am more determined than ever to continue my campaign to see my dream come true, and to see The Gap as a place of beauty and tranquility, where suicide can no longer happen. I soldier on until funding is given and will never give up, in Tracy’s memory.

A tribute, written by her sister Janine, expresses our endless love and pain.

A light from the family is gone
A voice we loved is stilled
A place is vacant in the home
Which never can be filled

We have to mourn the loss of one
We would’ve loved to keep
But G-d who surely loved her best
Has finally led her to rest

Tracy’s life was not always filled with happiness,, her life was as tragic and lonely as her death. She died alone and without human comfort.  Her death was her final scream of loneliness. It is not our privilege to question her death, but rather to understand that life cannot endure without a sense of meaning. Tracy’s death is not her end, but rather her beginning…  after her pilgrimage of life, her death is an arrival, a celebration.

Tracy was a bright, talented, loving child who longed for perfection and acceptance. She had tried so hard not to look at life through despair-coloured glasses. To the contrary, she tried so hard to muster determination, courage and the will to live.  Yet, she could not accept her human limitations.  Sadly, her depression became so over whelming, she became numb and deadened to life and began to see death as her only way out.  Tracy just wanted her pain to stop. It seems so unfair that someone so young could not find her way. She was too young to die! When Tracy died, she killed a part of everyone who knew and loved her.