Jodie Elizabeth Morris

Born 30th March 1977 – Died 18th January 2001

Jodie was our second daughter and youngest child. She was a tiny black haired blue-eyed baby girl who joined a family of Mum and Dad, older sister Tracey and brothers Brett and Scott.

Jodie grew up in a loving supportive Christian family where her faith even as a child was nourished and in a church where she could express her faith in music and song and in personal speaking.

Jodie was a talkative friendly girl who was basically a very shy child underneath the bubbly chatterbox exterior she presented to the world. It took me a long time to realise she was as insecure in herself as I later realised she was. She was always encouraged and we were very proud of all of her achievements during her school years.

Jodie was not a sports person in any sense of the word and did not enjoy partaking in sporting activities in a competitive way. Sports for Jodie was swimming for fun, ten pin bowling and following her beloved football team – Geelong.

As she grew Jodie became the organised child who was often called the ‘secretary’ as she was very good at arranging and orchestrating events. Schoolwork and University assignments were worked at and handed in on time. Parties for celebrations were co-ordinated and enjoyed.

Jodie was very close to her sister and brothers. She was 9 when her 11 year old brother Scott died after an accident where he was riding his bike to deliver papers for his paper round and a truck hit Scott on his bike. Scott’s death left a huge gap in the family unit but the family became closer than ever being there for each other.

Jodie had many talents although as mentioned sports activities was not one. She was a great musician playing organ, piano, brass instruments and teaching herself clarinet and flute. She loved singing and had a lovely voice. She was good at handicrafts and particularly loved doing cross stitch and was teaching herself to crochet and knit. She dabbled in painting; she loved cooking and reading books.

She loved her pets, her two cats and particularly her dog Benji – these were her companions.

Jodie was particularly close to her Nan taking her on a holiday and on many shopping trips and sharing many cappuccinos. Nan was with Jodie waiting at the newsagent when her University placement came out early in the morning. Her extended family, aunts, uncles and cousins were very much a part of her life.

Jodie loved writing spiritual talks and sermons, studying what God wanted for her.

Jodie worked hard when she was employed first in her teenage years in Coles as a part time check out girl and then later as a qualified Nurse after completing her Bachelor of Nursing. She was popular with her co-workers where ever she worked.

Jodie was a lovely big cuddly girl with an infectious laugh that sometimes in church might seem inappropriate but when that laugh was quietened by illness it was even more important to hear her when she was well.

But Jodie also suffered deep depression, which was not evident for some time. The depression appeared to start during her mid to late teens but she was able to hide this under the bubbly exterior she showed to the world around her.

Eventually the depression became very evident and Jodie was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance and Jodie was helped with medication and with electric shock treatment at one stage. Hospitalisation a few times and counselling were a part of her life as was attempts to harm herself.

We as her family were distressed and were endeavouring to support her in many ways.

Jodie had become an aunt and loved her niece and nephew very much.

Jodie took a nursing position, which meant she needed to live away from home and so she moved to the suburbs and began an independent life. During the twelve months she worked and lived in the city Jodie had ups and downs in her depression but appeared to be generally happy and succeeding.

At the beginning of 2001 Jodie’s great grandfather died – he was 100 years and 5 months old. Jodie was very close to him and shared a lot with him especially her love of football and Geelong football team.

The weekend after his funeral Jodie felt hurt by a comment made to her and she lashed out at that person verbally. That night she again tried to harm herself but was unsuccessful.

My husband and I drove to the city to be with her but she pushed us away again and again telling us she was alright. Usually after an episode of self harm Jodie would get the help she required and then all would be well again.

But this time it was different. The medication didn’t help and neither did the counselling. This time Jodie could not manage the depression or see over the edge of the black hole she was in at the time.

Two days after this attempt Jodie tried again – and succeeded.

Our lives were torn apart again – our family had another piece of our hearts torn out and there was again no way of healing our broken lives.

What has this meant to us as a family? I had begged Jodie not to hurt herself and not to try do what she did but she could not see the good days that she had.

This has meant much distress, sorrow, and yes depression in myself, for my husband, and my remaining daughter and son.

My husband has taken 7 years to be able to start being ‘normal’ again. He has worked but he has been withdrawn into himself, not taking part in church activities and isolating himself. He would not play his guitar for all that time and yet he loved his guitar. He would not write music or songs until late last year.

My elder daughter was married with a family when Jodie died and she has been determined to teach her children about their aunt. Tracey and Jodie were very close sisters and shared a lot together.

My elder son worked hard and pushed himself so he had no time to think and eventually had to take time out from work to recover – his emotions caught up with him.

And me – I have to keep going, I have to keep strong and keep everyone else on an even keel. I have to deal with all the finances and various details that have to be dealt with in relation to Jodie’s death. I don’t have time to sit back and give in to ‘grief’. It hurts me tremendously. I lost my little girl. We used to do so much together, shopping, coffees, reading, crafts, cooking, picnics, church, family events – she was my daughter, she was my friend, she was a part of me.

And now she has gone.

How do we keep going – our faith that God will be with us and hold us together and will walk with us and help us carry the pain.